


Can You Let Go?

by lmeow



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22664707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmeow/pseuds/lmeow
Summary: Finn always did know Poe more than anyone, so hearing that come from him wasn’t much of a surprise. He shifts, lips pursing into a thin line as his eyes gaze down for a second before back to Finn’s own. The stars were gone from his eyes; not like they used to look. “...Sorry about that.”Finn was still angry but his face made room for confusion. “What?”Poe points his finger briefly at Finn’s eyes, a sad smile appearing after. “Your eyes. They don’t look like what they used to.”
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 19
Kudos: 79





	Can You Let Go?

“I didn’t expect to find you here.”

Finn looks up to find Poe smiling down at him, arms wrapped around himself in an effort to warm up. He didn’t have a jacket on despite knowing how cold it can get around this time. Hell, every breath he took formed clouds of mist and yet he still forgot to wear something thick. 

As Poe sits himself down beside Finn on the park bench, Finn begins to remove his coat so he may offer it to the other, but Poe shakes his head in retaliation. “Nah, I’ll be fine. I don’t want your _pity_ jacket.”

Finn snorts at that and does as told, slipping back the left arm sleeve before leaning forward and resting his elbows on his lap with his hands clasped together. “After everything we’ve been through, you’d really think I would look down on you like that? Ouch.”

Poe realises how bad that sounds and scratches the back of his head idly. “Okay, point taken.” he says, now crossing his arms over his chest instead. “I just don’t want you getting cold too.”

“I don’t want you getting cold either.” replies Finn, facial expression falling to one of melancholy. He can’t bring himself to look at Poe directly as he speaks to him and it was honestly making it much harder to not seem _too_ upset. He wasn’t after all, upset I mean, or so he wants to believe.

Poe notices it easily, however, and yet he doesn’t try to engage with Finn too much despite wanting to so badly. He wanted to make Finn face him, face this problem they’ve got— but he can’t. He shouldn’t. What they’re doing right now wasn’t even supposed to be allowed.

But they’re here and they’re talking. It was more than what Poe could ever ask for.

“How are you?” Poe suddenly pipes up to break the unnerving silence which makes Finn wheeze some.

“ _C’mon, Poe._ ” Finn’s voice was exasperated and coated with slight disbelief that Poe would ask him that. His gloved hand rubs the back of his neck to try and release whatever tension he’s feeling from just being around Poe, but it doesn’t undo anything within his heart. 

Despite the tone that Finn used, Poe is still Poe and he accompanies his response with a small laugh. “What? I’m making conversation.”

“ _You’re making conversation when you shouldn’t be!_ ” Finn snaps loudly, instantly whipping his head over to send a glare to Poe who jumps a bit in shock of the sudden outburst. His eyes are wide and his shoulders are raised to his ears as he just stares upon Finn’s angered expression. He was undoubtedly pissed. At what exactly? Poe had some idea. 

“Why shouldn’t I be?” Poe asks, shoulders easing and body coming back to where it originally was to show he wasn’t afraid of whatever Finn was going to say or do. “I don’t see what’s wrong with wanting to talk to y—”

“Of course you don’t, Poe!” Finn yells once again, showing just how upset he was with their current situation. If Poe took a glance down, he would find Finn’s hand balled up into a fist atop the space between them on the bench. Feels a bit like a metaphor honestly. “Even if you did, you refuse to ever listen to the reason just because you do whatever you want, right?!” 

Finn always did know Poe more than anyone, so hearing that come from him wasn’t much of a surprise. He shifts, lips pursing into a thin line as his eyes gaze down for a second before back to Finn’s own. The stars were gone from his eyes; not like they used to look. “...Sorry about that.” 

Finn was still angry but his face made room for confusion. “What?”

Poe points his finger briefly at Finn’s eyes, a sad smile appearing after. “Your eyes. They don’t look like what they used to.”

That’s when Finn is caught speechless. Everything he wanted to say, shout, or scream is now lost in Poe’s stupid, _stupid_ words. He _hated_ it whenever Poe did this to him, and this was definitely not any different. Finn takes a sharp breath and grits his teeth together, as though he was going to explode again, before quickly looking away from Poe. 

The stars surely weren’t there, but that didn’t mean Poe disliked looking at Finn’s eyes. The moment they were out of sight again, Poe instantly misses looking at them. But he wasn’t going to do anything about that. Instead, he faces front and watches the people at the park pass them by. 

“...It’s been _years,_ Poe.” Finn speaks again after what seems to be forever. “I have a new apartment, Rey and Rose are married—”

“What about you?” 

Finn turns to look at Poe again when he hears that. He doesn’t say anything but his face already speaks for him. Or, well, they usually didn’t need words to communicate at times. 

Poe’s head turns and he smiles at Finn. Poe’s smiles never hurt him before, they always made him feel better— but this one did. “When are you getting married?”

Silence is the response that Poe receives for a while, but Finn replaces it soon enough with his head lowering and eyes fixated on the ground. “...Tomorrow.”

Poe then whistles loudly, a cheer following after that only makes Finn’s chest squeeze as his breath shortens. “Good for you, bud! I knew you could do it! I mean, who _wouldn’t_ fall in love with someone like you? You’re, like, goddamn perfect—”

“ _Can you fucking stop this, Poe?_ ” 

And Poe does. He shuts up immediately and his hands flailing around out of excitement for Finn slowly find their way to his lap. 

Finn takes a deep breath as he still refuses to face Poe. It was starting to look like Poe wasn’t the reason why he couldn’t look at him, much rather like it was something else. “You have to stop this because I already have someone else. Whatever it is you’re doing? Whatever it is you want to say about me? You shouldn’t. You just—” Finn bites his bottom lip then releases another breath, mist coming out. “—You _can’t_ be here right now. You **_shouldn’t_ **be here. The fact you can’t let me go after all this—”

“I already let go of you, Finn.” 

Then Finn’s eyes widened, and suddenly they were stinging with tears that threatened to trail down his face. He never wanted to hear those words— not from Poe. He thought he wouldn’t ever have to experience it, but here he was— hearing it clearly and feeling it aggressively rattle his bones like a heavy reminder. 

As he slowly brings himself to face Poe, the tears he tried so hard to contain ever since Poe sat himself down beside him finally meet their release. Poe has an expression that is filled with a special fondness that Finn still has yet to find in someone else when they look at him. He hated it, he hated this, he hated _Poe_. 

Poe doesn’t touch him, but his longing stare and soft smile were enough to make Finn feel like he was. He wanted to pull him into a hug right then and there, but he knew he can’t— that he shouldn’t. He won’t be able to take it all back if he did.

After staring at him for a few quiet moments, Poe then proceeds to look up at the night sky above them. There he finds the stars he was desperately looking for in Finn's eyes. It will make things easier at least. “Like I said— I’m just trying to make conversation. You’re the one who refuses to talk to me, buddy.” He says, the somewhat tired smile on his face just refusing to falter. Finn was clinging onto that smile like a comfort blanket but it wasn’t helping him any.

Poe then looks back at Finn, smile still there and Finn still clinging to it. Before Finn could say anything, Poe finally touches him as he lays a hand on his shoulder. It felt warm and cold at the same time and it makes Finn choke on a loud sob. Despite that, Finn doesn’t move his hands from where they were, which was nowehere near Poe. Poe was fine with that; he knows and understands why after all. 

“You gotta let me go, Finn.”

A sob. “...What if I can’t?”

Then a chuckle. “You have to, buddy. Whether you want to or not. You’re literally getting married tomorrow.”

Then a silent moment where heartbeats and the city are all you hear before Finn speaks up once more, “Will I see you again? Even when I let you go?”

Poe opens his mouth, about to reply, before he slowly closes it and smiles instead.

“Excuse me, sir?”

Finn blinks and looks up at what appears to be an older man in a long coat with a bright red beanie on his head. He had a dog with him, a labrador on a leash. Seems like he was just giving his dog a walk through the park at night.

“Yes?” Finn replies.

The man points towards the opposite side of where Finn was seated on the bench. “Is this seat taken?” 

Finn blinks, looks over to the spot beside him, stares at it for a moment as though he was waiting for something or _someone_ , before then smiling up at the man.

“Not anymore.”

* * *

  
  


_“It hurts to know that nobody else will ever get to experience Poe Dameron like we all have. Meeting him, knowing him, and loving him is undoubtedly an experience that everyone here has had the chance to take. Hold onto that chance for as long as you live. Because you’re never going to get that chance again._

_I love you, Poe. And I hope you got home to the stars like you always wanted to.”_

_-Finn Dameron, ten years ago during Poe Dameron’s funeral._

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry about this


End file.
